Deeper

....
Please I don't want any negativities or "I should have done this then when how why etc"
Dv aapt finally went through with today
I have a HUuuuuuuuuge headache.
and after talking to someone irl

I realise OMG how much shit and drama I deal with
I have My 1st ex Darren the father of my two older children
Michael,
and Michael's ex.

Last week I relised I can walk away... but my kids cant walk away 
I know many years here and irl I've had ppl tell me what I SHOULD do.. and why cant I JUST do it.
I don't know why, I don't know why and I don't know why.
and even today I don't know when it will all happen.

Its been so frustrating for years because when ever I talked about my issues, people would say
why don't u just take your kids and walk out..
why don't you think about your kids
do this
do that
your strong enough
I would have done it ages ago
this kind of thing really dug me deeper into my hole.

where would I go (there are lots of places u can go. shelters etc)
No I cant
yes do it now
even a DV page im on when I made a post people were just saying, I did it so can you, over and over again.

no one ever said, its ok... ill talk with you
ill listen
I understand
is there anything I can do
a HUG even
Just HUGE shoot downs Of what I should do, what they would have done
and I JUST COULDNT DO IT

I don't know why...
I just continued protecting my children
I just continued having sex forced upon me to keep him happy so he does not get angry at me or the kids.
I just continued the nights of crying knowing that this way I'm hidden and no one can see me or tell me what to do.