I just want to know....
How a TV show can make you feel such emotions... that I'm bawling over something that is not even sad. But is more like moments I've never felt in my stage of life.. or ever been treated like. When I realise how much of a stuff up my life is.... that I'm not actually afraid to disappoint others. .. but I have and continue to disappoint myself in the choices I've made.. and continued to make.
All this from a moment in Dawson's Creek!!!
Season 4 Episode 14
Right at the end when Joey and Pacey realise they're ready.
The emotions ....the love and caring. I don't know what else from this scene has made me feel completely useless.... has made me feel that my whole life and all the choices I've made so far have led me to being a single mum with three kids on government benefits living in a house half paid for by housing.
That I've let myself be in these awful relationships because I didn't think that I could do better or i thought that's what society wanted for me.
I believe that relationships... that you have to be in it for the long haul that, there's no running away. But I know that I should have ran away long before I had kids.
I was scared that it was right for the kids ....like I couldn't break them away from the family environment.
I didn't want to be put in that basket of the single parent label.
But I pushed and pushed and pushed so that the family unit could be together even though it was completely falling apart.
And now I'm really broken and I haven't felt all the things that relationships have because I was obligated to stay in a relationship but I wasn't happy because I thought it was the right thing to do for my kids.
I haven't felt the love with the special bond that people in a relationship have...because sex had always been a obligation and something that I have to do.
I missed all that because I was trapped in a mindset of what I should be instead of what I could be.
Now my kids are broken because of choices that I made... because I thought they were right and they weren't.
